For what it's worth...

Sometimes I feel like I don't deserve another chance, or at least that He might feel as such. I started so young and without any appreciation for what I had been given. In fact I cursed my maker for my lot, though in reality I had but myself to blame.

Others had played the game and seemingly came away much luckier than had I. Me, I of course was the one that suffered the consequences. It's not as though I didn't know them going in. But of course I was the one. I always saw the cup not as half full, or even half empty but as spilt over and shattered on the floor.

Naturally it took years for me to realize what fortune I had been given. Even now I am still learning. And of course I could not appreciate, and took for granted, even after I finally accepted my situation.

But I did accept it. I took responsibility, and 21 years later, I believe I did a damn good job making up for my initial misgivings, judgment, malediction and blaspheming. At some point, at least in my own being, I took on the mantra that it is not the mistakes that you make, but what you make of your mistakes. And there is one that stands as a testament that I lived up to that, and that I made good on my mistake.

And maybe I made good enough to deserve another chance. To do it right from the start, to do it under better circumstances and with help from someone better suited to do it with me. She certainly deserves that chance, a chance she has only been denied because of her choosing me.

In the end, there is but one to cast determination, and nothing I can do further will give me, or the one I love, the opportunity. I ask Him to forgive me, to consider my worth, and, if not for me, for her, grant us a chance.

Amen